It’s that time of year again. You knew it was coming. It started with holiday music in the department stores, giant fir trees covered with ornaments and lights and then, out of nowhere, you were slammed with a long list of chrismachanakwanza presents you had to get for your children, parents and friends.

If you’re not careful, you’ll feel like you are drowning. The environment gets saturated with so much holiday cheer that you would swear there’s a conspiracy to eliminate all colors except red, green and white. Sometimes it’s enough to turn us all into Scrooge or, at the very least, make us sympathetic to his call of “Bah Humbug.”

And then it hits you: you still have to make the dreaded trip to visit the “In-Laws.”

For my family, the holidays are marked by one very long drive that we willingly make to the Bay Area in Northern California. We pack up the car; make sure to bring plenty to snack on and drink and then begin the nearly five hundred mile trek from Southern California to the cold north of the San Francisco area to spend a few days with my wife’s family. It’s not that I don’t like them. I do. But it’s quite a journey if you think about it, driving for seven or eight hours – one way. It’s enough to give the most patient of men and women fits of rage.
Yet we do it every Thanksgiving or Christmas. We are packed in like sardines and drive practically single file on the I-5 going north. And we’re not the only ones. There are many of us autonomous families with nothing in common except our general destinations. It makes me feel like I’m a part of some nature show and we’re all salmon threading our way up the river. Too much like salmon if you ask me. There are things that we do in life that make us feel like we’re swimming upstream just to die when we get there.

No Family Is Perfect

When you get married, you sometimes feel like getting together with your in-laws for the holidays is a lot like being stuck in an elevator with people you don’t necessarily like and no way out. This does not only include being forced to be with your husband or wife’s immediate family, but sometimes it is the extended family that causes the most tension.

Often, it comes down to a particular individual – just about every family seems to have one. You know them because they resemble “Archie Bunker” – an opinionated, extreme leftist or rightwing killjoy that makes you want to find a corner and hide until they leave. But being part of a large extended family can lead to spending time with people with whom we wouldn’t otherwise associate and accepting them, flaws and all. Trust me, neither side is perfect and without its villains. It’s not our job to judge them, just to accept them because, odds are, they’re not going to change.

Go With the Flow

There are lessons we can learn from fish as my father-in-law, an avid fisherman, can attest. Whatever traditions your in-laws might have, no matter how much you don’t want to participate, go with the flow. You’ll have a lot more fun with the family if you allow yourself to be a part of the family. So don’t let your inner desires dictate whether you’ll enjoy something before you actually give the things your in-laws would like to do a chance. You might surprise yourself.

My wife’s family enjoys taking a drive through the Napa Valley and looking at the luminaries lining the roads. The first year I did this, I got carsick. But now, I actually look forward to driving with our lights off in order to follow the roadside candles. I just have to concentrate a little harder than everyone else to enjoy myself. Go with the flow – if not for yourself, for everyone else.

Find Common Ground

You can find common ground with almost anyone. Even the “Archie Bunkers” of your family. They may not be your favorite people to be around, but, if you let them, they can still be great fun. My favorite thing to do with people I have trouble connecting with is to let them talk about themselves. You’ll find that most people’s single favorite subject is their own lives. Let them. If nothing else, this will give you something to talk about for next time. There is nothing worse than sitting opposite someone you don’t necessarily like and having nothing to say. Besides, sometimes all it takes is a little effort to help that certain annoying relative to grow on you. Give them that chance and search for common ground.

It’s Your Call

You can pick who you marry, but you can’t pick your in-laws. But if you remember these simple rules to surviving Christmas, you won’t have to feel like a salmon whose sole purpose is to swim upstream and die. The holidays can be annoying enough with commerce shoving products at us at breakneck speed; we don’t have to make it worse by visiting our in-laws with all the negative baggage in tow.

In the end, the difference between having fun and not having fun is deciding to do either first.

by Paul Stamat