A Stranger in a Strange Land
3 min readEver feel like you don’t quite fit in anywhere? Before you go any further, this is no “poor me” article. I have an excellent job doing what I like. I have a nice home, a loving wife and four wonderful boys. I have good friends. I may not be the world’s biggest social animal, but I’m not exactly the Unabomber.
Here’s why I feel I don’t quite fit in anywhere. At the time of this writing, I’m in between churches. I used to belong to a church that one would classify as a fairly tolerant, yet conservative church. Make no mistake – it was conservative. It was a classic dispensationalist, pre-millennial, Calvinistic, conservative church. I also hold many of these views, but with a bit less certainty. The problem is that I was never comfortable amongst my brothers and sisters.
Perhaps it’s my taste in music. I enjoy the classic hymns as much as anyone, but I enjoyed Nirvana much more. It’s not just “the rock thing.” I believe at times Kurt Cobain had more relevant things to say from a spiritual perspective than the Gaithers. Not to mention that I view the entire Contemporary Christian Music world with a great deal of suspicion.
My sister-in-law is gay, and I don’t believe for a moment she chose to be that way. That alone sets me apart. The people at church say they pray for her. I don’t think they tried putting themselves into her shoes and struggle with the reality that a gay person who loves the Lord would go through. I don’t have any answers for her, and I don’t believe they do either.
I could list any number of conflicts I had with those in my church. Open theism versus God’s omniscience. The ramifications of predestination on the unsaved soul. Eternal Security versus Conditional Security. I watch ‘R’ rated movies, drink beer and wine, and can cuss like a sailor. My anger over the Republican Party seeking to manipulate the Evangelical church. I could list any number of areas where I just couldn’t be in lockstep with my church family. They treated me respectfully, yet I believe I was “not quite one of them.” Perhaps I wasn’t and maybe they didn’t expect me to be. A friend of mine at this church was discussing the Body of Christ with me, and he suggested I was one of the parts of the body that Paul refers to as “lesser members.” Not lesser as in inferior – lesser as in being a covered part of the body. The imagination runs wild with the possibilities! I’m a scrotum in the Body of Christ!
Voltaire said that doubt is unpleasant, but certainty is absurd. That is a motto I live with. I understand John Kerry’s ambiguity. I guess I’m a flip-flopper too. The Christian world is full of pat answers, and I feel the Christian life raises more questions than it answers.
I have friends that in no way share my conservative beliefs and, there again, I don’t quite feel a philosophical unity with them. I believe that abortion is wrong unless it’s done to save the life of the mother. I have the audacity to believe that Jesus is the only way to God. I feel funny when my friends ask me if I checked out the hooters on the gal that we just passed. I can’t go out and buy the coolest SUV, the highest quality home entertainment system, or the fastest desktop computer, but then again I don’t need to.
I am rarely alone, but at times I do feel alone. Like Bono, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, and I realize I may never find it in this life. I guess that’s what sets me apart.
