Why Am I So Pissed?
5 min readWhat does a real man look like?
Remember the guy from the Brawny Paper towel commercials? Mr. Brawny had that outdoorsy, lumberjack look, complete with flannel shirt and messy blonde hair… a real tough man as the symbol of a tough paper towel. Is that what the image of a “real man” is? How about Jack Bauer, from “24?” The rugged hero who is a loving father, yet also an independent, self-assured, deadly agent with a mission? Or, how about Michael Bluth, (Arrested Development) the nobly flawed, overwhelmed worker with a hint of intelligence? Or is Homer Simpson the “real man” with the simple, every-day man with his dignity hidden underneath his heavy pursuit of leisure and comfort?
Do these images on the television reflect modern views of a real man?
Perhaps you remember when a man would leave for work early in the morning, bust his tail all day and come home to a freshly cooked meal, get waited on hand and foot, and cap off the evening in his recliner in front of the TV. The mother took care of the child at all times, stayed home and didn’t “work, “ while the husband was employed away from home and didn’t do much around the house until the weekend. Yeah, I remember Leave it to Beaver too, but did Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver reflect reality?
If TV does portray the image of what society perceives as a real man, it is of someone who is expected to be able to do it all. He has the refined GQ look, and yet is still able to kick ass without breaking a sweat. He is sensitive enough to connect with the heart of a woman, but not so soft that he can’t make a decision. Today’s married man has to spend quality time with the wife, work hard to make money – a lot of money – and, on top of that, take Junior to his baseball games and spend time cooing with the newborn daughter
You cannot forget the work force which is no longer the social club where you hang with your friends and talk most of the day. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. The CEOs of companies are looking for the cheapest way of getting the most for their staff, so men will have that deepened fear resonating in the back of their mind of getting fired. Working 9 to 5? Not likely – it is expected of workers to stay from 6am to whenever you get all your tasks done, often until 7 or 9pm. And you have to prove yourself day in and day out that you are the man for the job, or some young punk is going to take it from you, at a cheaper rate.
The image of a man has become quite convoluted, and the confusion has drawn men into a world of hysteria and violence.
There just does not seem to be enough time in a day to get what needs to get done, at work or at home. This makes a man want to spend some time with himself and escape from his job, his responsibilities, the expectations from within and without, and just have a moment to smile for a little bit. This may be part of the problem though.
The rationale of “escapism” has become a plague. Many have migrated to the video game world of escaping. I’ll tell ya, nothing makes me as giddy as when I waste 131 Germans, Storming Omaha beach in Battlefield 1942. Then men wonder why they get upset when the bills have not been paid, or their wife is upset because they haven’t spent any time with her.
Another form of escapism is the movies. Now, what man has not seen Saving Private Ryan, or how about Goodfellas? Two movies, filled with graphic violence, which are usually on most men’s “Top Ten” list. Have any of you walked out of a movie, feeling like Superman ready to take on the world?
What could men do to change the perception, to lessen their anger and become the men this world needs? Is this perception that is the “Ideal Man” even obtainable?
Let’s be honest here, most of us are not the GQ type. A lot of us are not even all that pleasant to look at either. Some guys, who do have the GQ look, know it and are rather self-centered and egotistical, yet they are still dissatisfied because they lack in other ways. So that reality, right there, is unobtainable.
A working man may not have a choice about when he wants to spend time with his children. He has to fly across the country for some company meeting, or show up for extra work on the weekend. Whatever the reason, he can not be there. Deep down, he feels guilty for being a poor father. There have been times when I had to work and leave my son with my parents. I feel horrible at those times, but also feel that if I am not there doing my job, I will not have a job. And what man wants that?
I will not say that I have it all figured it out. I cannot because anger still festers deep within me. One thing I hear as a suggestion to resolve this anger problem is to “slow down.” Sounds great, but sometimes problems come at you from every direction and eventually, even if you have your temper in check, these problems become too much. Right there, you have blown it in society’s eyes. You have a problem with your anger.
Who gets the privilege to say what makes a “real man”? Is it Hollywood with these genetically enhanced people who make millions of dollars? Is it the idealized man of the 1950s?
Perhaps it is enough being a man who knows and accepts his flaws and does what he can to improve his flaws. Perhaps it is sufficient to be a decent husband, faithful to his vows, regardless of his flaws and hers. The one who spends what time he has trying to teach his children the difference between right and wrong.
What pisses me off? Believing the fallacy of a real man.
