The Weekly Six – 4/23/10

A quick hit on this week’s hottest topics: The Weekly Six. If you missed out on what’s been going on this week, tune in to read about the hottest topics on the net – or at least the hottest topics to us. This is your chance to feel free to agree or disagree. And without further ado, in no particular order, behold the six!

_____________________________________________________________________

Ramming Speed On Draft Day

The St. Louis Rams kicked off the NFL Draft yesterday by signing Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford. Fans everywhere bowed their heads in a moment of silence as a young hopeful’s career was destroyed before it ever had a chance to begin. Tim Tebow surprised everyone as well by being the second and final quarterback picked in the first round (#25 overall), with Denver taking him and ensuring that Jesus will now become a Broncos season ticket holder. Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen was suspiciously missing from the first round. Originally thought to have not impressed enough at Pro Day, it was later discovered that Clausen dodged the draft and moved to Canada.

_____________________________________________________________________

¡Cuidado Hay Ninjas!

East Timor has officially declared war on all ninjas. Longuinhos Monteiro, East Timor’s police chief, sent out a warning via the press: “Any ninjas who want to take us on, your final stop will be Santa Cruz cemetery.”

We couldn’t find any ninjas willing to comment on the situation but it’s a safe bet that Timor law enforcement is screwed because if realultimatepower.net has taught us nothing else, it’s the following:

1.    Ninjas are mammals.
2.    Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3.    The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Be afraid, East Timor – be very afraid.

_____________________________________________________________________

I Hear That HTC Is Hiring…

This is Gray Powell. Gray went out drinking to celebrate his birthday. Gray works for Apple and happened to be carrying the very unannounced and very unreleased new iPhone prototype with him. In his revelry, Gray left it behind and it wound it in the hands of our friends at Gizmodo.

It’s debatable whether or not this leak was intentional, but regardless, Gray Powell might want to freshen up that resume…

_____________________________________________________________________

For He’s A Wonderful Coachella

Indio, CA was Ground Zero again for Coachella, the premier American music festival which boasted Jay-Z, Muse, Gorillaz, and the reunited Faith No More and Pavement as headliners this year. As usual a fine time was had by all.

Except maybe this guy:

_____________________________________________________________________

Why Life Is Unfair, Pt. 1

Chris Shaw, 29, a central Missouri convenience store clerk with $28.96 in his bank account came forward Thursday as the winner of a $258 million Powerball jackpot. He’s got three kids from two different women and makes just over $7 an hour.

In case you were wondering, yes, God hates you.

_____________________________________________________________________

I Love You, Earth

Yesterday was Earth Day. Here at C6M, we did our part by turning off the electricity to our neighbor’s homes, stealing WiFi from local schools, and slaying dolphins so that they wouldn’t get stuck in those plastic things that come with six packs and suffer a long, drawn out demise. Paul even went the extra mile by laying down in a field and heavy petting the soil – he loves the Earth like no other.

In honor of such a joyous event, we leave you with the late George Carlin:

_____________________________________________________________________

Until next week – C6M