The Weekly Six – 6/25/10

A quick hit on this week’s hottest topics: The Weekly Six. If you missed out on what’s been going on this week, tune in to read about the hottest topics on the net – or at least the hottest topics to us. This is your chance to feel free to agree or disagree. And without further ado, in no particular order, behold the six!

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Just Don’t Touch It!

The new iPhone launch was, as predicted, gargantuan in scope and it looks like the phone is everything it was touted to be including (drumroll) no dropped calls! Unless you touch it, of course. Apparently, people are experiencing full bars until they actually pick up the phone and then the bars are dropping dramatically. Apple is aware of the issue and their team of geniuses have issued the following edict: “You’re holding it wrong.”

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Mama-Se, Mama-Sa, Ma-Ma-Koo-Sa

It’s been one year since the King of Pop left this mortal coil and moonwalked his way into the afterlife. Fans all over the world are holding memorials, making pilgrimages and doing all the other bat-shit crazy things that mentally unbalanced music fans do when their pop deity takes the dirtnap. It’s all for nothing, though. Michael Jackson never died – he just changed his clothes and now performs as Lady Gaga.

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U-S-A! U-S-A!

Landon Donovan, in the 91st minute, scored the winning (and only) goal against Algeria and advanced the US into the knockout round of the 2010 World Cup. That’s awesome and everything but it also means that for 90 minutes before that absolutely NOTHING happened. That’s an hour and a half of your life that you will never get back. I will say this for soccer though, at least it finally had the decency to come out of the closet:

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OK, Soccer – You’re Off The Hook…For Now

Not to be outdone by the World Cup, Wimbledon gave the world a match between John Isner and Nicholas Mahut that lasted 11 hours and five minutes and took three days to complete. That’s longer than the extended versions of all those damn Hobbit movies put together. Longer than a flight from Los Angeles to London. Longer than a tantric sex session with Sting. Isner was ultimately victorious…and then lost his game the next day in 74 minutes, the shortest men’s match in Wimbledon history.

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An Inconvenient Boner

A Portland masseuse accused former Vice President Al Gore of sexually assaulting her during a massage in Gore’s hotel room in 2006. The woman claims that Gore became enraged when she refused to touch him below the equator and proceeded to grab her hand and try to force it into his global warming zone. Gore denies the accusations but does claim to have invented the happy ending.

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BioCat