The Weekly Six – 7/9/10
3 min read
A quick hit on this week’s hottest topics: The Weekly Six. If you missed out on what’s been going on this week, tune in to read about the hottest topics on the net – or at least the hottest topics to us. This is your chance to feel free to agree or disagree. And without further ado, in no particular order, behold the six!
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The Heat Is On!
LeBron James announced yesterday that he was fleeing the Cleveland Cavaliers to join his pals Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh on the Miami Heat. Cavs owner Dan Gilbert cried like a child and personally guaranteed that the Cavs would win a title before the “self proclaimed ‘king'” won one in Miami. Just like when James said that Cleveland had the edge in resigning him, no one believed him.
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Psychic Psushi
Paul the Psychic Octopus has picked Spain to win the World Cup final on Sunday. Thus far, the eight legged prognosticator has correctly chosen the winner of every game it has predicted. Paul has also received several death threats for his choice, most likely from Dutch fans. When asked about the threats, Paul replied, “The Dutch need to go back to doing something productive – like sticking their fingers in some dikes.”
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This Is The Sound Of Crazy
Good ol’ Mel went crazy again this past week and it was all recorded by his now ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Not content with hating just the Jews, Melcifer turns his hate on our African-American brethren in a two minute tirade filled with filth flarn filth flarn filth. Radaronline.com has the uncensored audio recording. Be warned – it’s very NSFW and also probably proves that Mel wasn’t as nice to his slaves as The Patriot led us to believe.
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And The Oscar Goes To…
Poor little Lindsay Lohan gave the performance of her life (maybe her finest since Herbie Does Meth) in a California court when she tried to plead her way out of all her numerous probation violations. The judge listened and then pretty much called her a liar, giving her 90 days in the clink for her silliness. The video below is pure greatness. If you listen closely, I’m fairly certain that you can hear the judge whisper, “Boom. Headshot.”
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Business In The Front, Felony In The Back
Iran has officially outlawed the mullet along with the ponytail and spiked hair. The haircut was banned to “confront the cultural assault by the West.” Furthermore, the Iranian government put out fatwas against Billy Ray Cyrus, Joe Dirt, and Bono circa 1980 as they are obviously the standard-bearers America looks to for fashion guidance. God help Iran if I ever get hold of a Hot Tub Time Machine!
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Wow, you publish these pieces with a heavy dose of cynicism and more than a dash of malice. I see no names attached to them, so I guess we now have the media hiding behind the anonymity of the internet, impressing themselves with how witty they are. We all know how perfect those in the media are.
Our sincerest apologies to Team Edward.
Haha.
Malice? Really?
And you’re absolutely right, Edward IS a fairy. I can’t believe I’d never connected the dots.
Wally, in the wise words of Sgt. Hulka, “Lighten up, Francis”