The Weekly Six – 8/21/10

A quick hit on this week’s hottest topics: The Weekly Six. If you missed out on what’s been going on this week, tune in to read about the hottest topics on the net – or at least the hottest topics to us. This is your chance to feel free to agree or disagree. And without further ado, in no particular order, behold the six!

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U Smile

The newest sensation taking over the internet is apparently slowing down tunes by Justin Bieber.  Why?  To prove how evil he really is.  Don’t let his boyish good looks fool you. He’s Satan incarnate.  How else do you explain why his song actually sounds better when you slow it down to the speed that no human can hear?  Don’t believe me?  Take “U Smile” and slow it down by 800 percent and I swear that it turns into a gateway into the supernatural.  Listen for yourself here, you can actually hear angels singing.  This is proof positive the music industry can’t be trusted and maybe our parents might have been right when they warned us about backwards masking on records when we were kids.  Heaven knows what might happen if we slow down tunes by the Backstreet Boys.

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The Return of Brett Favre

I know, I know.  This is hardly news.  But like Favre, this news bears repeating.  Seriously, this news bears repeating.  I’m not kidding, this news bears repeating.  Sorry.  Which of you out there really thought he wouldn’t be coming back?  Of course he’s going to play.  We want to see Favre play as much as the next guy, but does he really have to hold a press conference EVERY year telling us about it?  That’s like God holding a press conference every night to let us know that the sun is going to rise in the morning.  Duh.

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Iraq: Mission Accomplished?

The war is ending. Finally.  As the final combat brigade heads home, we at C6M who have family in the armed forces are glad to see them return for good.  But at what cost?  And what did we learn?  I can only hope that our children get to live in a world with sustained peace.  But I’ve lived long enough to know that humanity has a ways to go before we truly get there.  But that’s neither here nor there.  For now let us celebrate the fact that this one gets to end.

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The Moon Is Shrinking?

Well, according to scientists this is something that you can’t see with your naked eye.  In other news scientists reported that there were also other things you can’t see with your naked eye like planets and air and…flatulence.  Anyway.

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Clemens Indicted

Baseball legend Roger Clemens was indicted on charges of lying to congress.  Will he go to jail?  Has any professional baseball player gone to jail yet based upon lying about their steroid use?  This is a fate reserved for track athletes because nobody watches that sport.  Anyway, I’m not saying that it’s right, but it’s fricken baseball for heaven’s sake.  Wanna indict some people, start with a few Presidents and work your way down.  When you get to Barry Bonds again, let me know.

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The Soothing Sounds of Worms

Can I just ask why and go home?

Exactly.